Since it’s Mother’s Day today, we thought we’d dedicate today’s blog to a topic pretty much every woman likes to talk about: how to express love. We have some great ideas to not only help you give your mom or your wife the perfect Mother’s day gift, but to make her happy the other 364 days of the year.
How to choose the perfect gesture
Did you know that people have different love languages*? This topic usually comes up when talking about couples, but the concept applies to anyone important in your life.
Have you ever tried to do something nice for someone, but they just didn’t seem to notice or appreciate the effort? It might be that you did something you thought was loving, but the other person needed you to show love in a different way. The trick is to find a person’s “love language” and use that to show appreciation. Here are the five languages:
- Words of affirmation– this is saying nice things about the other person.
- Gifts-they don’t have to be big or expensive, just well thought out.
- Quality time-many women value this higher than anything else.
- Physical touch– hugs, or just sitting close.
- Acts of service– think of this as helping with chores.
The trick is to discover your mom or your wife’s love language, and then look below for ideas on how you can use it to make her feel appreciated.
Eventually it would be a good idea to ask her what her language is, or even get her to take this quiz (remember, most women love things like this). But for now, it’s enough to know that most people express love to others the way they would like to receive it. You can use this to help you figure it out: think about how your mom/wife expresses love to you or the kids. Is she a gift buyer? Or is she a cheerleader, always saying nice things? If she’s always saying positive things, she probably likes words of affirmation.
The flip side of this is to think of what she complains about the most. Does she always get upset that you don’t take out the trash or clean the kitchen? If so, her language is probably acts of service. Remember . . . some people have two love languages. And if you just can’t figure it out, everyone will respond to each of the different languages so just do your best and chose something. It truly is the thought that counts.
If her language is words of affirmation
If this is her language, she just needs to hear the right words. You can say them, text them or email them. A beautiful idea for Mother’s Day is to buy a blank card, complete one or more of the following phrases and write it in the card:
I appreciate that you _______________.
I’m glad to have you as my mom (the mother of my children) because _______________.
I’m so happy to have you in my life because _______________.
I couldn’t _______________today if it weren’t for you.
If her language is gifts
Remember, it’s not the amount of money you spend, it’s the thought you put into finding the perfect gift that matters. Here are some idea:
Does she like coffee/tea? You can get her a coffee mug in her favorite color, or a pretty teapot.
Does she like gardening? You can get her a new pair of gardening shears or a new pair of gloves.
Does she like decorating? You can get her a subscription to an interior design magazine.
Does she like scrapbooking? You can get her a packet of stickers or some pretty stamps.
If her language is quality time
Make a date with her, today, to do something special. But remember: stay off your phone! No texting, Facebooking, etc. For people that love quality time, being fully present is key. Here are some suggestions:
Take her to the botanical gardens
Have a coffee or dessert with her (Starbucks is ideal for this)
Go for a walk or drive together
If you live out of town, have a Skype/Facetime/Google hangout call
If her language is physical touch
Give her a hug
Sit closer to her than you usually do
Give her a manicure
Give her a foot massage
If her language is acts of service
The key to acts of service is to do them without her asking. If she has to remind you to take out the trash, it doesn’t count and will most likely make her feel resentful. Here are some other things you can do:
Clean the kitchen
Wash her car
Weed the garden
Fix something around the house that’s been annoying her
364 days a year
Remember: Mother’s Day is just one day. If you really want to make your mom feel special, try doing some of the above ideas other days of the year. If you must, put a reminder in your phone to show your mom/the mother of your children some special love every month, week or even day. That will make her feel truly cherished.
*Here is a website that teaches you more about love languages and how to use them: 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman